DOROTHY DARE

​

Dorothy Dare 

Has wild ginger hair

Which she ties up into bunches.

I’ve heard it once said

That she stood on her head

Whilst eating three packed lunches.

 

Dorothy Dare 

Wears white dungarees,

Which start at her neck 

And reach down to her knees.

She wears red, shiny boots 

Laced right up to her shins,

And she kisses the boys round the back of the bins.

 

Dorothy Dare 

On the high diving board!

Watch her jump backwards, 

My goodness, Oh Lord!

Last week someone told me she sat on a frog,

Threw stones at a beehive and then bit a dog!

Dorothy Dare pulls the scariest faces,

‘Cos her teeth are all covered with shiny, wire braces,

And her eyes roll like marbles through her great big specs,

When she pinches the back of her classmates’ necks.

 

She put tadpoles into the Big Girl’s loos,

And maggots into their ballet shoes,

You could hear the screams from the hockey pitches,

Dorothy Dare had us all in stitches,

She got triple detention, but she just didn’t care

Because everyone knew she was Dorothy Dare!

 

She did those things that you never would think.

If it all ended up with a horrible stink,

Or a huge commotion or terrible din,

Dorothy Dare would just stick out her chin

And stand on her desk with her arms in the air,

Stamping her feet and shaking her hair,

Making rude noises and wiggling her bum,

Till her arms got tired and her legs went numb.

 

Dorothy Dare is crazy and funny,

And most people think she’s an absolute honey,

She’s got loads of friends who think she’s a scream

Like the time that she swallowed a bucket of cream,

And jumped up and down for an hour and a half

Then lay very still in the Sick Bay bath.

Everyone thought that she might be dead

Till she started to giggle and wobble her head,

Then proceeded to sing at the top of her voice

‘We Will Rock You!’ - an excellent choice!

​

(She whispered once, right up close to my face,

That she wasn’t a part of the human race,

And one day that she'd travel to outer space,

And marry an alien, dressed in cosmic lace.)

 

But Dorothy finally went too far,

When she covered the roof of the head teacher’s car

With a mixture of breadcrumbs and wallpaper glue

And a sprinkling of oatmeal and budgie seed too.

​

Head teacher went mad and was soon lost for words

As his car became covered in hundreds of birds,

Flapping and shrieking and fighting for snacks

Pecking the paint off and scratching at cracks,

They added a layer of their feathers and droppings 

Till it looked like a trifle all covered in toppings.

​

‘My car, my poor car!’ the head teacher cried

As he threw open the boot and scrambled inside.

Then quickly drove off, car horn blaring TOOT TOOT!

With a large flock of seagulls in noisy pursuit.

​

The following week it was as we’d all feared,

Dorothy’s desk had been emptied and cleared.

No ginger hair, or red, shiny boots,

Nobody’s gloves

Filled with mouldy old fruits,

No horrid smells or ridiculous sounds,

No ‘Triple detention!’ or ‘Hey! Out of bounds!’

The teachers looked bored, 

The classes were quiet,

Our lives were no longer 

A Dorothy riot.

​

So five years later, I turn on the telly.

There’s an advert for ‘Rumble Tumms Marmalade Jelly’

And a programme on how to make hats out of cheese,

With old people complaining about their bad knees.

​

Then a Newsflash and music that makes my pulse race,

As the screen shows a cheeky, familiar face!

A sly, naughty grin, ginger hair in a state,

The smile is the same, but the teeth are all straight.

And she’s talking and laughing with a big crowd of lads,

Holding microphones, cameras, pens and notepads.

She’s wearing what looks like bright, white dungarees,

Heavy boots on her feet, cushion pads on her knees.

She smiles at the crowd, looking happy and calm,

A smooth, round, glass helmet tucked under her arm.

Yes, it’s Dorothy Dare, at the Global Space Port,

The first ginger-haired, 

Schoolgirl Astronaut.

 

I don’t suppose that she’ll remember this place,

When she marries her alien far out in space.

She’ll forget about school and the head teacher’s car,

And toilet tadpoles 

Slowly poured from their jar.

She’ll forget about me, her dear old friend Janet,

Because Dorothy will be

On her very own planet.